The hidden side of changing jobs

You may be lucky. Perhaps you will have a new job waiting for you, with a new employer just waiting for you to leave the Services and join them on a good salary in a part of the world where you and your family want to live. Or you may have a spouse/partner (whatever the PC term is for your ‘significant other’) on such a good salary that you do not really have to bother. Or … you could be like the vast majority when they hang up their military boots: a calm, cheerful exterior hiding a concerned, worried and fearful inner person.

Welcome to the club. Very few civilians have not changed either job or employer – most of them more than once. Many have been made redundant, often at no notice and sometimes with an escort from the premises. They have returned home to explain why they are no longer at work and have an uncertain future. It is often even worse for the breadwinner’s family, because theirs can only be a passive, supportive role during what can be a long, dreary job hunt.

Changing job and employer is right up there with death, divorce and moving house as occurrences that cause stress and misery. A fortunate few may escape but most will not.

Talking with people who become unemployed suggests that there are a number of common experiences. While not everyone will meet all of them, it is worth knowing what they are so that you can be ready for them. They are very similar to the classic emotions experienced at the end of a relationship, and this is not surprising because unemployment is the end of a relationship. It may have been idyllically happy, it may have been turbulent and stormy, but employment is a relationship and leaving it a form of divorce.

A common first reaction is anger: ‘How dare they do this to me? I don’t want to go. I’ll make them pay through the nose for this.’ These are common sentiments when the split first occurs. Even prior warning and notice may not eliminate this feeling. People can resent the fact that other colleagues are allowed to stay on, or they can feel that they still had a lot to contribute and were perfectly capable of doing the job.

They can feel unwanted and rejected. And this of course is reasonable because the employer has indeed rejected them because they are no longer wanted. However, while the individual may take it as a personal rejection because ‘it happened to me’, the employer has often taken the decision on purely financial grounds, because they have to treat all staff the same, or because they no longer need a particular skill set.

Guilt often comes next: ‘Should I or could I have done better?’, ‘Were any of the sneaky little office wrongdoings, like taking the odd pen or padding the expense account, detected?’, ‘Was my behaviour at the Christmas party that objectionable?’ We all tend to focus on ourselves when things are going wrong, and lose sight of the wider picture.

For someone who has been proud about the work they are doing and who has a sense of value in looking after their family, being out of work can feel shameful. Instead of replying to questions about their work with tales of excitement and interest, an explanation of the progress of the job hunt feels a little lame. However, enormous numbers of civilians have changed jobs so there is generally sympathy for and understanding of someone in that position, and often a willingness to help.

It is usual to feel sorrow and sadness at what was, and what will never be again. This is as natural with ending a work relationship as it is with any other. Accept the sense of loss and grow from it. There is, after all, nothing you can do about it – except go out there and find a better opportunity.

One symptom of the stress of changing jobs is lethargy. Some people stay in bed until way after their normal time to be up and busy, or develop an interest in daytime TV. This is why all job-hunting advice is about keeping mentally and physically active, of developing a routine and treating the whole process of finding work as a job in itself.

October’s Quest looks in depth at the government’s response to the Leitch Report that we covered earlier in the year, as well as explaining just a few of the factors to be considered in setting up a small business. We provide our usual range of features on potential work sectors for Service leavers, covering mechanical engineering, computing and IT, construction, project management, freight transport and driving management, and the work of the emergency services. A regional focus on the West Midlands completes the picture and we hope that you, our readers, find something of value in these offerings.

If not, please write in to tell us – we really value your views on how we can make the magazine more useful.